Beautifully Human: Words & Thoughts, Vol. 1

What can I say about Mr. Obama?

2008-06-03T22:27:00.004-04:00

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois sealed the Democratic presidential nomination Tuesday, a historic step toward his once-improbable goal of becoming the nation's first black president.

WHO KNEW CHANGE COULD BE SO DAMN SEXY?

If my heart had a song, this would be it...

2008-06-01T23:35:00.001-04:00

In case you ever wondered..

2008-05-12T17:08:00.007-04:00

If you ever, ever wondered what my idea of a perfect man is (atleast physically), then here the hell he is!

His name is Lafonza "Fonz" Alston, and he's Jennifer Hudson's Personal Trainer. She looks amazing, so not only is he beautiful, but he's good at his work.

Here's his site for his personal training. I simply think he's beautiful, and he needs to let me love him. Hope I don't sound like a stalker...yeah, like I care! lol!

Also, can't wait for the SATC movie, co-starring Ms. Hudson!!!

Home today...

2008-04-30T16:01:00.000-04:00

Called out from work...just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. I felt like blogging, but while I type this, I'm wondering about what this particular entry will be about? (pause)
.................
Falling out of love with the idea of love. I used to be such a person who wanted to be in love, now it's like "whatever." If it happens it does, if not OK. I think the best kind of love is that shared with friends, family & God. I've been blessed with so much, so if a special love between me and someone else never happens, I can't even be mad. I do have a romantic love for someone but he lives a few states away (going South), but even with him, it's not complete because we're not together and never met. But I do love him.

Fine Fine Fine...

2008-03-22T16:58:00.003-04:00

I'm watching Mary J. Blige's video special on BET, and it is truly amazing of the progress of this woman. Great progress as an true artist too! Moving on, it's 5pm and I'm still in bed. Why? No motivation to get out. I am going to the movies tonight to see the new Tyler Perry flick - love me some Madea! Semester of school is half over and no motivation to study. Haven't had motivation to go to work - and recently took some time off. No motivation to stick to a gym schedule. What the hell is going on? I need to go back to church! I haven't been since January, and I miss it. Don't know why I haven't been in so long...could it be motivation? I feel fine I suppose...not hung up on a relationship, although, one would be nice. I've recently started talking to someone but he lives too far away (few states down). This is a short entry. I need church and Jesus! Tired of being a bed-side Baptist or working Sunday's. I gotta get up!

Miss Ross!

2008-03-20T20:35:00.002-04:00

(picture from Prada Presents Trembled Blossoms event in LA.)

Don't you just love Tracee Ellis Ross?! Since the CW cancelled Girlfriends (thank God!), I've been thinking about how great her return to TV will be. I would love to see her in the role of a married woman or a mom. Talented actress!

Hello Again...

2008-03-11T23:47:00.001-04:00

I'm blogging again...

After watching this, I became so inspired, lol!

We're closed...forever...and I mean it this time...I think...

2007-12-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

Hello friends! It's been fun this last couple of years. I've shared so much with you and you shared a lot with me. I decided to share one of my favorite songs with you...to say goodbye...

I know it's extremely dramatic, but I do love this song and I recently came across Regine Velasquez's rendition and it's awesome. She has an amazing voice - voice for days! Still got mad love for Dionne too. But enjoy the song and go read someone else blog. LOL! This one is closed. I don't know when or if I'll start blogging again, but right now it's not a big deal for me. Writing in here used to be so cathartic, but now I've found that other things have filled it's space, namely, going to the gym. I love to write and I know for a fact that I will always write, but the whole blog thing...hmmmm, I think it's old. Anyway, from me to you, I wish you a peacefilled, positive and productive new year...maybe we'll catch up with eachother then...maybe...

Blast from the past...

2007-12-03T00:19:00.000-05:00

McHammer's Pumps In a Bump...what can I say about this video? It really speaks for itself...

MC Hammer - Pumps in a Bump
Uploaded by Discodandan

This will be a great week!...

2007-12-02T23:20:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting here watching The Color Purple - such a great film - trying not to be too emotional. This film was so well-done, and in my opinion, perfect...loved it!
I met Whoopi last year, and she was a total sweetheart - one of the greatest entertainers of our time. Love her!

Well, it's the last half hour of this week. This week was pretty interesting. Work has been stressful, but I'm looking onward and upward for the next best opportunity to present itself. I've been in prayer mode for some days now about the job situation. But I know that everything will work out. This upcoming week will be great. I know beyond a doubt that some great things are going to happen...you'll see.

Food for thought: why is is so hard to understand that some folks are only in our lives for seasons. I don't mean seasons as in Summer or Winter-type seasons, but meaning only for some arbitrary length of time. I realized this earlier today when I thought about this guy that I met earlier last year - I thought what was the point of having that person in my life? I wasn't attracted to him. He was full of drama. He was using me to make his ex-boyfriend and potential new boyfriend jealous. He was cheap as hell. He smoked cigarettes. He owns the most God-awful fur coat. Everything about him was soooo wrong! So what possibly did he bring to my life that was good? There was a huge lessoned that was learned from my experience with him - I won't go into all of that, but I do thank God for that experience. Taught me a whole lot!!! Another thing I got from the situation with that person? I found out where to find the absolute best chicken cheese-steak hoagie in all of Philly - see he did add something to my life that I truly value and appreciate.

Welcome Back!

2007-11-23T14:39:00.000-05:00

I'm giving myself a welcome back to blogging. It's been a long time, but I'm here to say that everything is going well - and what isn't going well will be going well soon. Blessed and highly favored...enjoy this clip. I hope your Thanksgiving was great!

I'm alive...

2007-10-27T20:35:00.000-04:00

Hey folks - those who actually still read...I'm still alive. I've recently picked up a lot more hours (and days) at work. Also, my laptop is in for repair. Check back in a couple weeks and I actually may be back in blog business again. Take care and be blessed!

Jill Scott - The Real Thing

2007-08-19T16:48:00.000-04:00

Sunday & The City

2007-08-19T15:57:00.000-04:00

Unity Day is taking place today, but it's raining and me no likey to be outside trying to watch a concert in wet, sticky clothes. I decided to sleep in today and watch (classic) episodes of Sex & The City. The show stopped production a few years back, BUT I still watch it and enjoy it as it were brand new. Great show. To an extent, my blog was inspired by Carrie Bradshaw's approach to writing her column. See for yourself...

Last week, while at a party I saw my old friend "Mmmm". He looked well...both he and his new friend. It went through my mind that the guy he was hugged up with was the same guy who left the note on the car a month-or-so ago. Although I know I've moved on with my life and have accepted the fact that we're not meant to be together, I still have a few questions. I guess the question that trumps all others is the one that asks what does the new guy have that I don't have? Besides "Mmmm"?

I'm still trying to work out my life in terms of education, career, and relationship - in that order. It's hard out here and I do have really raise an eyebrow at myself in the mirror and question why I was unable to hold onto a seemingly hot commodity. Well, everything is not for everybody and everybody is not for everybody. But I did try. I guess all one can really do is just be patient with time, God and circumstances until the right person comes along.

I checked out Queen Latifah's HBO movie Life Support. It was so well done, and it made me cry at the end, and I'm not really a cryer. This is a must-watch. I promise you that it will make you view HIV, and those living with it, a little differently.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the GREATEST VOICE EVER.

2007-08-09T00:27:00.000-04:00

From us (or just me) here at the Beautifully Human Blog, we are wishing Whitney Houston the best birthday that is to be allowed for someone that has contributed so much the world of music. To me and million others, she is totally and absolutely the greatest voice ever. We love her, we need her and we pray for her. Happy Birthday Whitney.

Charles Pugh...

2007-08-07T00:45:00.000-04:00

What can I say about this man? I don't know him but he's a friend in my head...please check him out so you can fall in love with him too. I came to know of him per My Uncle in the name of blogging - Keith Boykin's feature on Positve Black Men doing their thing - not positive as in HIV, but anyway. Charles is so....hmmm...what can I say?.....

Here's a funny moment with Charles and Queen of all Media, Wendy Williams:

He also Myspace's.

Perez Hilton is mean as hell...but funny...

2007-07-23T19:15:00.000-04:00

Click here...

Personal Accomplishments...

2007-07-22T23:23:00.000-04:00

Setting goals has been very easy for me in my life...it's accomplishing them that's been the hard part. I want to acknowledge that I've had a very blessed life and existence on this earth. I have been allowed to live and develop into my own person - my own man. I'm proud of who I am because I know where I've been and it wasn't always very pretty. One thing I know for sure is that it's very important to be thankful for your life and your blessings. Personal accomplishment is definitely a blessing. When I look over the hard times when I wanted to just give up...my being alive is a testament to my faith and belief that there is a higher power. For those of you who don't know, my higher power is Jesus. I don't want to come off as preachy - that was never my intention of this blog, but If you're going to read about my life and have insight on who I am then you must know that I am in love with Jesus. I'm not spiritual or religious - I just have my own personal relationship with Him. With that being said, back to this blog of shenanigans and nothingness....

Touch Me In The Morning...

2007-07-21T13:49:00.000-04:00

I'm bored. Been so consumed with work and haven't really had time to blog about anything. I met someone recently. A nice guy...a really nice guy. Question: have you ever physically messed around w/ someone...say for instance if in the middle of the night you get that "feeling"...? I got that "feeling" and began some impromptu grindation...afterwards, why did I smell like straight up booty? I know I was grinding on booty, but I had it's juices on me and it was a total turn-off. It's like you know someone is staying over for the night, why not wash your @ss out? He's a nice guy and could possibly be the one - only time will tell that for sure. For him to be the one, we're gonna need to buy him a...

(I hope he never reads this)

Did I do that? Yup, I did...

2007-07-01T04:05:00.001-04:00

On Thursday night/early Friday morning I did something I was not proud of. I was coming in from a little-bar hopping. FYI: Thursday night's is stripper night at a new local bar/club. When I was exiting the highway, an old friend ran across my mind and I decided to drive past his home (stalkerish, yeah I know). When I saw his car, I stopped and then saw a note...the note read..."HAVE A SAFE TRIP! THINKING OF YOU"...
For whatever reason, I became jealous and a little hurt. I quickly closed my car door and drove away. The note was in my possession and it looked like this:

Why did I do this? How can I possibly explain myself and my actions if he saw me or recognized my car? I felt embarrassed and guilty. Then it hit me: how can I possibly attempt to tamper with someone else's romantic affairs? Was it that no one's leaving me notes that has me jealous OR could be that it didn't work with "Mmmm" and now he could possibly be happy that has me jealous. Whatever the deal may be, I felt terrible and had to make it right.

I was about a mile away, but I did decide to turn my car around and put the note back on his car. As you know, that paper was balled up and crumpled. Thank God that it rained and the note wasn't already in the best condition - I smoothed it out as best I could and placed it back where it belonged. I believe that what goes around, comes around. Karma is real. I've been through enough stuff and I really need some brighter days ahead...

So I did a fucked-up thing, BUT I did make it right. I saw maturity and growth within and I know that the special love that I deserve is on its way...

Don't You Love These...

2007-07-01T01:41:00.003-04:00

Bedtime-in-Dreamland-face
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

Special shout out to MphsBlackChub
I want my own caricature...

2007-07-01T01:41:00.001-04:00

ROBBIE_J-Cropped-002
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

2007-07-01T01:38:00.005-04:00

Reynaldo-001-cropped
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

2007-07-01T01:38:00.003-04:00

Oz-cropped
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

2007-07-01T01:38:00.001-04:00

Fuzzy-Muzzy, cropped
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

2007-07-01T01:35:00.001-04:00

EMO
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

2007-07-01T01:33:00.001-04:00

BORRIE-In Square
Originally uploaded by mphsblackchub

Weekend Glory

2007-06-23T15:18:00.000-04:00

Some clichty folks
don't know the facts,
posin' and preenin'
and puttin' on acts,
stretchin' their backs.

They move into condos
up over the ranks,
pawn their souls
to the local banks.
Buying big cars
they can't afford,
ridin' around town
actin' bored.

If they want to learn how to live life right
they ought to study me on Saturday night.

My job at the plant
ain't the biggest bet,
but I pay my bills
and stay out of debt.
I get my hair done
for my own self's sake,
so I don't have to pick
and I don't have to rake.

Take the church money out
and head cross town
to my friend girl's house
where we plan our round.
We meet our men and go to a joint
where the music is blue
and to the point.

Folks write about me.
They just can't see
how I work all week
at the factory.
Then get spruced up
and laugh and dance
And turn away from worry
with sassy glance.

They accuse me of livin'
from day to day,
but who are they kiddin'?
So are they.

My life ain't heaven
but it sure ain't hell.
I'm not on top
but I call it swell
if I'm able to work
and get paid right
and have the luck to be Black
on a Saturday night.

- Maya Angelou

Broken Heart, Lonely and it Hurts Like Hell...

2007-06-23T14:38:00.000-04:00

Lonely
Very lonely
See you
Like you
Happy
Talk to you
Like you
You not single
Lonely
Very lonely

Note to self: one day you look back on this time and laugh about the whole situation, but now it hurts like hell...

disposable people...

2007-06-16T23:06:00.001-04:00

This will be a quick entry because I want to head out for a little bit and get a drink. For anyone who still manages to find their way to my blog, I want you ask yourself about the disposable people in your life? Try to remember at least 3 of them. If you don't understand, let me help you:

Think of someone you dealt with to achieve a certain goal. Maybe it was to get a promotion, experience an amazing orgasm, or someone who gave you money in time of need. Somewhere along the way, you decided you were no longer in need of this person, and you disposed of them...the complete and total thought of them. They no longer mattered to you ...after you got what you wanted and needed from them.

It could be karma that plays a role in the disposable people theory. I have disposed of people, and in turn I've been disposed of. Example: I was talking to this much older gentlemen a couple months back and he wanted to help me land a job with his company, but ultimately was unable to do so. Somehow things started heading downward with us. Maybe he was embarrassed at the fact he was unable to deliver through on the job prospect. We did have sex. Anyway, while I was trying to save whatever it was that we had, he promised to call me back to discuss everything but never did. This was probably early May. I've not heard from him in no way, shape or form since. I wish him the best, but I was disposable for him; I did not matter anymore. I want to go into this topic further but right now, it's getting late and I really do want to go out...

2007-06-16T04:23:00.000-04:00

Black pleasure and White Agony

2007-06-07T02:06:00.000-04:00

If you saw yesterday's Oprah, then I know you just had to take the test! I did and here is my results:

You have completed the African American - European American IAT.
Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between European American and African American.

Take the test here.
Read more about it here.

The Original Dreamgirl...

2007-05-31T04:00:00.000-04:00

The End...

2007-04-12T12:59:00.000-04:00

Is it the end? Do people still care about blogs and bloggers?

And the best singers in the world are...

2007-04-01T18:23:00.000-04:00

"In my opinion, the best singers in the world are Aretha [Franklin] and Whitney. That's not to knock Mariah [Carey]. Mariah is a friend of mine, but I think Mariah would even say those two are the best." - Clive Davis

It's not what Whitney and Aretha are today, it's what they were years ago and what they'll be in years to come. I 100% agree with Clive - those two are the greatest singers walking the earth today.

Youtube or Xtube?

2007-03-16T05:19:00.000-04:00

Ok, here's three videos. Can you tell which is from Youtube.com and which is from Xtube.com? Have fun!

The Secret...

2007-03-16T04:56:00.000-04:00

I highly recommend The Secret to anyone who's seeking direction in life. I ordered the DVD and it really has changed my life since I watched it. I came to know about The Secret some weeks back while watching Oprah. I recommend that anyone out there who deals with negative thoughts, self-doubt, and confusion to check out The Secret. I also say to take from it what you can and apply it your life. For me, it's that I know that God wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the best possible life with positive thoughts, feelings and actions. The Secret to me is not only the Law of Attraction, but for me it's the act of God working through you, for you!

This is for C.F.

2007-03-14T03:49:00.000-04:00

Enjoy!

You broke me but I'm healing...

2007-03-05T16:15:00.000-05:00

After last night's post...

2007-03-05T05:31:00.000-05:00

I had to post something showing Black folks in a more positive light, so here ya go!

In promotion of DSL service, Verizon started a campaign showcasing everyday common, but extraordinary Black folks living their lives doing work they love. Bravo Verizon, even though I have Comcast. lol!

http://www.realizeambition.com/

One word: wow...

2007-03-04T22:13:00.000-05:00

Fantasia is Here!

2007-03-02T04:24:00.000-05:00

When it comes to natural talent, this woman is miles ahead of so many other female R&B singers. I think it was only, probably Mary J. Blige that was the last artist to debut prior to Fantasia who could interpret a song in such a way - soulful, emotional and powerful. What can anyone really say about an artist like Fantasia besides the fact that she's underrated, under-promoted and under-appreciated in a culture where chocolate brown isn't always considered most beautiful. To me, she is beautiful. I really look forward to her dropping more albums and I really like she can have a career like Mary's - 10+ years and still relevant. Watch this clip for yourself. She is truly a singer who knows how to use her voice to the max through and through...cannot wait to see the Color Purple in months to come. Fantasia will be undertaking the lead role as "Celie."

OPRAH WINFREY PRESENT THE COLOR PURPLE. FANTASIA STARTS 4/10!!!

***3/16- As you can see, Fantasia's Oprah performance of "I'm Here" is no longer available. Here is the American Idol performance. This one is cool, but she really tore it down on Oprah a few weeks ago. Enjoy...

Another one bites the dust...

2007-02-26T04:38:00.000-05:00

The new someone I met on Thanksgiving turned out not to be the one. I'm still praying and keeping an eye out for Mr. Right...

Ok, if Simon can eat his words, then so can I!

2007-02-26T03:45:00.000-05:00

I don't agree w/ this entry now looking back. I still think that Beyonce held her own and was as great as Jennifer in her own way - but Jennifer was simply incredible and I pray that she has a great career ahead. I was thinking somewhat negatively that day...

Finally, something worth blogging about...

2007-02-26T02:57:00.000-05:00

I knew all along that she was going to win. I remember telling a friend of mine very early this year that she was going to win the Oscar - this was before they nominees were even announced. Although I did not see 90% of the nominated films/performances, I knew that she'd we would win the role of Effie. With her now being an Oscar winner, I see much growth and potential in years to come. I'm sure that Clive Davis (the music-mastermind he is) will have that debut album out even faster now. She's going to have a good year at the Grammy's next year too - you'll see...

Also, Ellen was an incredibly funny host and she way more talented that I ever gave her credit for. She was the perfect host this year.

Anna Nicole Smith...

2007-02-09T01:01:00.000-05:00

RIP 1967-2007

How homophobic are you?

2007-02-07T12:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm sure you've heard of the controversy surrounding the Super Bowl Snickers commercial(s). To me, it was pretty funny, but it would have been great if it were two brothas, or better yet two Black NFL players...talk about controversy. But here is the commercial itself (or the most popular one) and the reaction from some Colts/Bears players watching the clip for the 1st time...Enjoy.

With Colts linebacker Cato June lips, it looks like he's had a nice thick, milk chocolatety Snickers in his day...

But there may be a HeadF_InCharge (just take an assumption of what the "F" is) at Snickers...

In the words of Wendy Williams, "how you doin'?"

Youtube the other Super Bowl Snickers commercials too.

Waiting on God...

2007-02-07T12:12:00.000-05:00

SOTD: Maze featuring Frankie Beverly's I Can't Get Over You

Have you ever met someone that you prayed for? I mean, seriously. That special someone that you thought God had sent to you to share bits and pieces of life with, and then that person goes away? Why won't he call? What did I do? What did I say? I know that we're supposed to think that stuff that's meant to be will be, but it's hard to get over yet another one. Folks who know me know that I can't keep a man. Maybe I'm one of those types of gay men who will be 65 alone w/ a great downtown apartment, with a few great friends and 5 God-children. Not exactly how I initially saw my golden years, but who knows. Being alone is not a such a bad thing because I could be in a few terrible, loveless relationships right now. Yet, I'm in a relationship with myself and I need to learn how to wine and dine myself more - I already give myself good sex. So basically, I am waiting on God. I'm waiting on God to send a special friend. For once I want to experience something that I knew God has planned especially for me without having to question it so much. I don't want to think that I'm cursed in love or relationships, but I can write a book of the heartbreaks, heartaches, and rejections. This seems to be the ongoing theme of this blog, but it is what it is.

And the winner of American Idol is...

2007-01-31T01:53:00.000-05:00

Taken from Keith Boykin's site.

"Jenry Bejarano, a 16-year-old singer from Rotterdam, New York. Adopted by a Bolivian family, Jenry is one of the best looking men on American Idol this season.

And the best part is...he can sing too. Jenry sang Gerald LeVert’s song “I’d Give Anything to Fall In Love.”

He sang so well that he got an invitation to Hollywood based on his performance that aired last night.

Of course he hasn't won anything yet, but we'll be watching to see what happens."

Exactly my thoughts Mr. Boykin, exactly. I'm not child molester, or child predator, but that young could get the business if you know what I mean (and I think you do). While recently discussing this current season of American Idol, we both agreed that Mr. Bejarano has a look very reminiscent of some other eye candy...see for yourself...

SOTD

2007-01-28T04:08:00.000-05:00

Artist: Maxwell
Song: Lonely's The Only Company (I & II)
Album: Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite

Lonely's the only other company
Less you're the love no other love can be

(Repeat 1)
(Repeat 1)

Since you went away my heart
It's ripped into shreds torn apart
(come back baby)
Cause baby

(Repeat 1)

Since you went away I just
( I cry baby I cry baby)
Look into all of the faces with no trust
(no trust no trust)

Lonely's the one
Lonely's the one
And I'm lonely just because
You left me lonely
Oh baby
Lonely's the only other company baby!
Lover there ain't no other
Since you went away from me

(Repeat 1)
(Repeat 1)
(Repeat 1)

This is a song I love. Maxwell is my favorite male singer and his voice is so beautiful and pure. Recently, being lonely has been painful. At times, no one to kiss, no one to hold, and no one to talk to. Why does it have to be this hard? I started working out and was beginning to really work on my body and then I took 5 steps back by eating greasy Chinese take-out and also doing McDonald's at 3AM. The funny thing is that to some I appear to have it all: youth, looks, intelligence, good-paying job...if they only knew how much I'd trade just to have some real human contact...I'm getting up in a few hours and taking my ass to the gym. I need to work out. Exercising and spending sweating time in the Sauna always makes me feel worlds better. I was drinking tonight and that makes me emotional. From one second to the next, I don't know If I want to jerk off or cry - or both. Yes, I'm a mess. But in the early morning, I am definitely going to jerk off and yes, I may even cry myself to sleep.

Five Things You Don't Know About Me...

2007-01-17T03:08:00.000-05:00

While ready the blog of one black gay blogger, I decided to share my 5 things...

1) I am terribly shy most of the time. I often think things out in my head 3-4x's before I decide what to say to people which often times causes me to stutter, because my thoughts get crossed. In social settings, I almost always am very quiet and reserved unless I've had a little bit of alcohol to loosen me up. This comes from being a child and sometimes thinking I was invisible or simply didn't matter. Even now, most of the time I don't feel personally connected to anyone in any way. It's hard to explain. But overall, I'm very shy, introverted, and a loner...and sometimes extremely lonely. A lot of folks would never know this...these feelings in turn fueled my love of music.

2) I suck at money and time management. This is going to be two of the biggest obstacles to overcome in 2007. When it comes to money, I drastically reduced my credit score by failing to pay bills on time. I had an attitude that I could handle it - until I laid off my job last Summer and finances got tight and bill payments were missed. And honest to God, it's been a challenge since last Summer to catch up even though I got another job that increased my yearly salary by almost 21K. I still cannot explain how that mess happens. My credit report is a big "whodoneitandwhy". But my debt will make the average American laugh like I was telling jokes - compared to other folks I know, my situation is really not that bad, I mean really not that bad! Time? Well, I am a person who need routine to survive. Because I don't have a routine that's why most stuff in life don't get done like paying bills on time, cleaning my bedroom, or being on time for appointments.

3) I have no idea what I want to do for a career. I just keep on living and learning and hopefully, I will be led somewhere. I want a career in helping people or something related to music.

4) I've never had mind-blowing sex. I do get jealous when friends tell me about the sex they're having, because I'm not getting any and I have never had really great sex. I've had decent sex, but nothing that made me want to do it over and over and over. Never has this happened. Shocked, huh?

5) When I go to the gym, I peek. I'm not saying that I gawk, but if a handsome brotha is next to me taking off his draws, I will very nonchalantly take a look-see. At my gym, there is a good amount of nakedness, which is interesting to me because it was my idea that a lot of would would be body conscious, or atleast as much as I am. But at my gym, from chiseled to a few lbs overweight, brothas let it all hang out. And to be honest, you don't have to really try to look to just see a whole lot most of the time. TM goes to my gym, and surprisingly, but not surprisingly he likes to spend too much time in the showers/the sauna/and the locker room. He's a character and a half, and I'm sure he's a gawker!

Happy New Year...

2007-01-15T02:50:00.000-05:00

Late, I know? CP time I suppose...But hello out there. So much has been taking place in my life lately from my friend Chris coming to visit me for a Special Day that I had (some of you know, and others will catch on) recently. Again, thanks so much dude. Our friendship is so real because we go through the motions with one another. One day it's all love and then the next day, the thought of you make my stomach hurt - I love you so much because we're able to maintain our own individuality and personality but still able to get our points across if need-be. If you don't know, you are family to me. And I'm so happy that you found someone that's worth your time of day. Someone that has his own thing going on, but is still very down-to-earth and cool. I don't know much about love and dating (obviously), but I think you got a winner.

Well, we're in a new year! Can you believe it? My 1st blog entry of '07 - wow. I've been hella lazy, working hellish hours, and still trying to maintain somewhat of a social life. Right now I am stuck in Idontknowland with the most recent brotha I met. I really do like him, but he's been distant and unreceptive lately. I don't know if things will go anywhere with him or not, but if it doesn't, I did enjoy the handful of times we shared doing things together. What we have to realize in life is that most of the times, folks are placed in your life for a season and then seasons change. I'm not saying that this the situation, but if time does reveal it to be a season-type of ordeal, then OK. I have been hurt enough times where the hurts don't hurt as bad - don't know if that's good or bad but thus is life.

With the good comes some bad, but overall life is such a beautiful blessing. I'm not totally transitioned into '07 just yet, but I Am Changing...

Our Deepest Fear

2006-12-31T04:15:00.000-05:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

- Marianne Williamson

DREAMGIRLS!

2006-12-27T15:34:00.000-05:00

This was definitely an awesome movie, but I knew it would be. In some areas, there were some bits and pieces that could have been tweaked, but nonetheless it was awesome. This is definitely instant-classic material. And yes, I would have spent the $25 bucks to see it early. And as far as Jennifer Hudson upstaging Beyonce, I don't think so. Jennifer Hudson can sing and she may even be nominated for an Oscar as Supporting Actress, but Beyonce did her thing and this will propel her even more. It's been official for a while now that Beyonce is the real deal, but for Jennifer, I think it may be too much too soon. She's so deserving of the accolades for breathing new life in Effie White in '06, but I'm not sure if the best thing her career is to have it peak even before the debut album drops. For instance, if the album flops, then what? She'll be like Jennifer Holiday- years passed and still riding the Effie wave and battling depression. Anyway, check out Dreamgirls because it was definitely worth the hype. Not great, but damn near.

And I Am Telling You - Jennifer Hudson

2006-12-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

Can't wait to see this film...This time tomorrow I think that's what I will be doing...All I have to say is that Jennifer Hudson dipped all of herself all up in through that song!

Whatchulookinat!

2006-12-17T02:28:00.000-05:00

Went out tonight to a buddy's Christmas party after work. Had a real nice time. I saw Mmmm and he looked nice tonight. I will admit that I still like him and he recently admitted that he still likes me, but my true feelings are for someone else. There was the other brotha there that threw some shade in my way, but I take it all in stride. He must know that Mr. Mmmm and myself have a little bit of history and he probably wants him for himself - he can have him. I'm better looking than him and if he thinks that by having Mmmm puts him ahead of me in life, then I truly wish him the best. The only reason I'm blogging about this is because it's amsuing and thank God for real friends who have the power to help you see things for what they are. Thanks A.P.

XTUBE.com - Part II

2006-12-12T17:49:00.000-05:00

A quote from Carrie Bradshaw...

2006-12-10T05:57:00.000-05:00

"I'm good at crossword puzzles, I'm not so good at people puzzles"

In a peferct world...

2006-12-10T03:38:00.000-05:00

I'm watching an old episode of Sex & The City and then the direction of this entry suddenly took a turn. I was actually watching the pilot episode in which a woman meets the perfect man and it starts to get serious and he totally brushed her off. I can relate because that's the way I felt about Mmmm - go backwards a few months and catch up. I honestly thought he was just the best thing yet to ever come into my life. He bounced in and then he brushed me off...

I shared the fact with Mmmm that my new boyfriend was on drugs, and you think he would have offered me atleast a little solace - nothing. I mean, I did share the tidbit with him via text-message (damn, modern day technology). How can someone who claimed to like me not care about if I was OK? So, say for instance, he did care - couldn't he have called to show it? The next time I see him, he will be reduced to a handshake or a big warm verbal hello/smile with teeth and all; no hug, kiss and the only conversation we'll be having will be small-talk - very small talk. It's not even so much of me being so in-like with him anymore as it the fact that when you care about someone, you show it. Maybe he doesn't care.

Well, I did say that I met someone new (someone who's not on crack - or appears not to be) and I do like him. I think he's funny, serious, mysterious and he has the potential to be a special someone. I am going to a party next week and I asked him along, but it seems that he'll be working. Hell, I think I might be working next Saturday. I met this brotha at a bar and I gave him the eye for a good long while and continued to give him the eye and then I was about to give up but I had a little bit to drink, and that usually chips away at my edge. I waited outside the bar and then we talked. That very early morning, we talked for a couple of hours in his parked car. We planned to go to a nearby diner, but they were closed - this was Thanksgiving day.

The irony of meeting this brotha on Thanksgiving. I was thankful to God for allowing me to overcome a fear of rejection and a shyness that I have struggled with since childhood. I've outgrown my physical awkwardness. But in the back of my mind, I will always be that husky boy with oversized glasses. Luckily, I have somehow blossomed to become a remotely attractive adult because If I hadn't, drink or no drink, I would not have it in me to give some perfect stranger the eye. I am getting to know this perfect stranger, and it's cool. I'm enjoying it. Yes, he's an ol' head at 25 years my senior. If it works it works.

With Mmmm, it did not work. He didn't try, and I definitely got tired of trying. So why is he still in my mind? I haven't the slighest idea. What truly sucks is the fact I grow attached to things I like: an old pair of shoes, Houlihan's boneless buffalo wings, or a certain short man who is known around here as Mmmm.

So in a perfect world, everything would just work out. People would be compassionate or alteast pretend to be. People would not do drugs, especially crack. And in a perfect world, I could keep a man.

Ay Papi! - Not!

2006-12-08T02:24:00.000-05:00

7:50 AM my cell rings - mind you I didn't get home until a little before then because I was out all night having a lil' bit of much needed fun with a buddy; don't worry he's no one I'd ever date so need to blog about him in-depth - so it was Comcast! My eye brightened and my mouth watered like it does when going to Haagen-Daz on hot summer's day....and then...

I see a fat, Black man walking towards my home. Oh hell naw! Too late to cancell now and my cable is still busted. Ok, so he took care of the problem but he had B.O. - if you don't know what B.O. is then you've been blessed. His B.O. smelled sour. He was nice enough, but he wasn't my Papi...

All I want to know is Where Did My Baby Go...

Thanks.

2006-12-06T01:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all who've emailed recently. All the emails have been been for different reasons, and they are all much appreciated. Drop me a line anytime: xphillyblackman @ gmail.com

Ay Papi!

2006-12-06T01:32:00.000-05:00

About a month ago I got some digital cable from Comcast along with DSL and Phone service. Comcast had the nerve to send out this fine papi chulo who was about 5'8" with a tight toned body and lil round a...

Mind you this was the morning after a lot of drinking and hanging out and I got up feeling like who done it and why?!?!? When I walked down my steps and looked at that mutherdappa, I knew I would love getting cable! Unfortunately I had to leave the fine papi at home while I went off to work - thought about him all day. He had the biggest pink lips and the heaviest Spanish accent and every word was like butter. I'm not one that wants it all in life, but all I wanted was 5 minutes with him, a soft-shell taco and then about a three hour nap.

So anyway, my cable has been a mess - fading in and out and my Mom has been asking me to call and I've put it off and put it off until Mr. Papi crossed my mind like a gentle breeze. My tech appt is Thursday between 8-10am - way before I go to work because if he comes back, I want to be here and just stare the whole time...

Did she really say that?...

2006-11-28T19:02:00.000-05:00

"I am happy and wished that Russell and I departed years ago. Russell and I had outgrown one another years ago and the little blue pill did not help our sex life. This is off the record, oh hell you can report it, Russell was awful in bed!...We will continue our business relationship and we will both be active in our kids lives, but the romance is what? Over! -- Kimora Lee Simmons on Ex Russell Simmons

Maybe, just maybe, I can exhale...

2006-11-27T02:14:00.000-05:00

Noah's Arc just went off a little while ago and I'm trying to find something else to watch on tv and nothing is on. I started getting into Noah's Arc recently now that I have digital cable again. It's an interesting show - sometimes they cry to much for me, but overall it's really entertaining. It gives a peek into the way some gay Black males are living life - just that concept alone is interesting. I'm sitting in bed right now thinking to myself all the stuff I need to do. I need to wash clothes for work, wash my bed sheets, do more Christmas shopping online, and that list will go on and on...

What can I say about my life besides the fact that it's a blessed life. Don't get me wrong because I have my up days and then I have my down days but truth be told I don't think I would trade my life for anyone else's and that's saying something. You know you love your life and yourself when you wouldn't switch with anyone - there is not one person I would like to trade places with. Truly blessed.

I've been reading back over the blogs from last year this time and I was so engrossed by them. It does not seem like a year ago. This year has truly moved very fast. With every new year, I new cast of characters join the show, but some folks are just mainstays. This week last year I was sharing time with a good friend of mine and this friend is still a good friend to me. Last week, he convinced me to join match.com and I did. Match seems cool. I cannot believe I paid money to join a website, but I did and I'm going to start meeting folks from match.com and see where it goes. I got to get my full $'s worth. But truth be told, match.com is the reason why my friendship with this particular friend kinda took a lil dip - he met his match on match and his match is a tad jealous and me and the friendship. Oftentimes we choose the man instead of the friend, and that's absolutely cool because if it's a real friendship then it will last. The new match could not understand how are friend was just platonic, but it was, it is and will always be platonic! I don't fuck my friends - uh sorry. I'm part flattered by the jealousy, but also part insulted by it. But hey, what can I possibly do about that?

I meet someone new at the bar - I realized that whenever I really start to talk about someone on here, it never works out. I'm going to keep this new person to myself for a while until it really becomes something and being as though we met on Thursday, that's going to take a while. I'm just to still push some other folks out my life. Still waiting to really exhale, but right now, I'm able to breathe easier....

Saving All My Love For You...

2006-11-22T01:17:00.000-05:00

Blogettes...

2006-11-15T14:17:00.000-05:00

Doing some lil blogettes until further notice. What's a blogette you ask? You'll see...they are just like features...

Fantasia

2006-11-09T02:16:00.000-05:00

Now that I've got some direction...

2006-11-08T04:21:00.000-05:00

Whew, where do I start? The older gentleman that I was seeing most recently turned out to be a functioning crack-abuser. Yes, you read correctly. This is a long story, but oh, what a mess. When he told me, I honestly thought I could help him...then I realized he had to want help himself. I began to think back to the nights that I spent at his place, and sometimes having $200 bucks in my wallet. I felt like a fool because I trusted him when he really could have stole from me. What a mess. For situations like this, thank God there is a God because all I can really do is just pray. I had to take about 5 good steps away from him and the situation...

My blues have been setting it again, and I don't know if it's because of that crackish fool, work or lack of direction in my life. My prayer for myself is to have some direction in all areas of my life. I continue living this way. I can't continue letting myself be put in situations that rape me emotionally. I know no one said life would be easy, but dear God, I need help.

Today, I've made up my mind that I am going back to college next year. I just have to take all my energy and focus it inward a little more. I've really gained weight over the last few months, and it's time to take control of that and get it under control. I still think I have a thick, tight, sexy body, but it can be improved. I don't want to stretch it out by eating Pizza Hut at 3am.

I know once I start exercising again I will feel a lot better. I have changed my eating habits, and after 2 days, I feel better already. I thought the first few days would be the hardest. Also, over the Summer I started drinking and sometimes it gets a little excessive. In addition to making me into lushful mess, I packed on a few extra pounds. A mess. Time for a change. I will not drink more than twice in 1 week.

I was just read the post from one year ago today - wow. What a difference a year makes. Last November 8th, I was broke as hell and now I'm less broke as hell, lol! I have to stop and think about how much I've been truly blessed over this 12 months...now, I am not so blue...

America's Next Top Idol?

2006-11-03T04:25:00.000-05:00

Here is the cover art for Fantasia's self-titled debut to her multi-platinum debut Free Yourself. When I saw this on one of my new favorite sites (concreteloop.com), I thought, "wow, that's just a beautiful shot." Simply beautiful. Can't wait to hear the new CD - in stores next month!

Guess who is back again?

2006-11-01T02:19:00.000-05:00

Me! Internet has been down and I have been too cheap to buy service, but a brotha is back. I will catch ya up in a little bit.

Couldn't we have it all? Or maybe what we have is enough?

2006-10-08T20:38:00.000-04:00

As you might have read, I'm seeing someone...and after a week it's gotten serious. Oddly enough, new folks have came back into my life as well, and have been showing some attention. I'm going to stick to Mr. New Man because he's really special and I've finally found someone who I can get down with on more than just a few levels. After all the ish I've been through I would truly be a fool to end this because someone else is seemingly better. I got all the man I need.

You Give Good Like....

2006-10-06T03:00:00.000-04:00

I've meet someone (yes, I know I've already said that). I'm not as estatic as I thought I'd be, I just feel very normal. I feel that finally everything is falling into place. Well, I have to let you know this brotha is 26 years my senior, but it feels so right. This brotha is saying things that I have never heard - he wants to love me, care about me, value me...wow. I had my doubts early on, but I came to discover that we were praying for eachother. This one's meant to be. Mark my words. If we were celebrities, we'd be married by now! I really like him. Pray that this will last, because yall know I can't keep a man! lol!

Something to blog about...

2006-10-01T12:03:00.000-04:00

I've met someone. We've been talking and we're on the same page in so many areas. Me very happy right now. I gotta go take a shower and throw some sweats on - he invited me over to watch the Cowboys game today- crazy ass T.O.

Sexy, but crazy.

Tidbit: there's a news-guy here in Philly who's gay. I had a television crush on this guy before knowing his sexual preference. I saw him out with an associate of mine, and I was thinking, "oh, hell no." He looked so common and plain on the street. On tv, I want to grab his ears and make him scream my name...in person, it was like I'll pass. He seemed nice.

Also, I love feedback. I'm always interested in interacting w/ folks who come in, sit, an read. My email address is: xphillyblackman at gmail.com. Hit me up. Post comments. Hit up the tag board! Just holla! lol.

Sleepy...

2006-09-29T01:58:00.000-04:00

I'm sleepy. I have had folks complaining about the blog not being updated. Hey, I work a lot! Brotha gets tired. Laying in bed, I can't wait to make my first trip to a smoke-free bar. It will be lovely to leave the bar and still smell as fresh and clean as I did when I first got there. All I can say is about damn time.

I'm going to work on the blog a little bit. Add a stat-counter to see how many of yall muthadappas really read my crap? Some other stuff too. Check back!

In a blogamental mood!

2006-09-19T01:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm watching Oprah & Gayle's Big Adventure - great television. I felt inspired to blog...

As you, my readers, know I'm into older brothas. I recently came across one on Adam that I thought was attractive and seemed to have had a mind that was possibly attractive as well. I recently read one of his blog about younger brothas coming on to him - I interpreted it as unwanted attention.

I'm 21-years-old - I consider this to be a great time in my life. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to get away with dumb mistakes. I work a lot - two jobs. I work so much because I'm not looking for anyone to take care of me - pay my own bills, and gas up my own car. I'm a normal, everyday working adult. I'm looking for a special someone, but I'll make due until he comes along. I say all that to say this:

For a long time, I thought I had to play into a role/character that would be more desirable or attractive to an older brotha. Now, in plain French, I don't give a fuck! I'm me. This is who I am. I like jazz music because I do. I watch old movies, because they interest me. I work two jobs because I have financial responsibility and obligations. I'm not pretending to be mature, I really am. We all have some time of preference, but damn, what is the hang up on age???

I read one of the thoughts of a commenter on that brotha's blog entry, and he was pretty much saying he could not see past the physical when it comes to a brotha who is around my age - wow. Yes, wow. I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing someone with that type of thinking, and that's why he's missing me now. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure brotha man ain't lonely this morning, but it's definitely not my body he's clinging to right now - too bad for him. I don't understand why folks get so hung up on age, sometimes its just a number. And how disrespectful and stupid to think of anyone, at any age, to only be good for something sexual. That's most likely his problem right there. I need to sit-in during an episode of Dr. Phil - we could help a lot of people. What brain-dead way of thinking...but yet, I still must say God Bless that brotha. I send out God's blessings to those who seem "extra special," because they need God to step in right away and make things right with them. And yes, I am serious!

Of course, the longer you're on this earth, you more experiences you've had - one would think, right? But the great thing with open-mindedness is being open to get to know someone. To really get to know someone. You could have shared experiences, and just bond on a friendship level. Most of my friends are older, and I rely on them to tell me how it really is because I know they know.

I met this brotha at the bar a month or so ago, and he was drunk as hell. I was worried about his getting him safely. He made corny googly-eyes at me all night, yet I still decided to take the man's number to make sure he got home OK. I called once when I thought he was home, and he was indeed fine. We spoke the next day, and asked my age. I told him, and he told me his was in his late 40's. He said to me, "what am I suppose to do with a 21-year-old"? I guess I should have told him he doesn't have to feed or walk the new model of 21-year-old's. We come off the assembly a little differently now. But in speaking with that brotha since, he was able to get to know me; the same me he was willing to pass on without a second thought.

I'm getting tired, and I have to get my butt to work a little earlier this morning! To close this entry out, I want to say the best way to get to know a person is to get to know that person. Be interested in what they have to say. Their thoughts, interests and etc. I'm starting to think not everyone online is looking for sex (thank God), so at least give folks a chance and they could be exactly the person you've been looking to befriend. What do you have to lose?

For me at this point, if you think I have cooties because I'm 21, fine! In plain French, go fuck a corpse! Au Revoir!

Yes, I'm cursing and porn-blogging. My blog has gone to the dogs, lol! But seriously, this really is a perfect example of my beautifully human experience. Later!

True Love in Song form...

2006-09-18T03:42:00.000-04:00

What does love have to do with it....right now?

2006-09-15T11:23:00.000-04:00

I don't care who's wrong or right
I don't really wanna fight no more (Too much talking babe)
Let's sleep on it tonight
I don't really wanna fight no more (This is time for letting go)
I hear a whisper in the air
It simply doesn't bother me
Can't you see that I don't care
Or are you you looking right through me
Seems to me that lately
You look at me the wrong way and I start to cry
Could it be that maybe
This crazy situation is the reason why

Tina Turner - I Don't Want To Fight

After watching the movie, this song came on and it made think of how I was feeling. Someone has been trying to spark something back up with me. I know better, so I should do better. I don't know anymore... just can't go back...

Dreams...

2006-09-14T11:27:00.000-04:00

I had a few dreams about Whitney this morning. She was one of our customers at my job and everyone was freaking out, but yet, still attempting to remain professional. I remember telling her in this dream how much I loved her. She looked well. I think in upcoming months, she will be well. Continue to pray for her because money, success, beauty, and talent does not always equal to genuine happiness.

We say "Amen"

2006-09-13T23:49:00.000-04:00

Prayers have been answered:

"She filed for divorce," Nancy Seltzer told MTV News.

Save Room for JOHN!

2006-09-08T00:33:00.000-04:00

John Legend is back with a song I absolutely love, and a video that is by far his sexiest! Check both out here on his site.

I was in communication with John a couple of years back (when he was still Stephens, not yet a Legend), and even in email this brotha is very warm and genuine. Support his new CD (Once Again) when it's released later this year! He is the real deal!

XTUBE.com

2006-09-07T23:28:00.000-04:00

Hello, my name is X and I am addicted to xtube.com!

If you're online freak, then I am sure you know of youtube and have over 25 clips in your favorites...

What can I say about xtube.com? It's like youtube.com, but for horny people, lol! I came to know about xtube over a month ago when someone on youtube suggested that one member post an unedited version of his semi-freaky clip on xtube. Youtube has more rules because it has a little bit of everything, including hard-to-find old music videos; they have to keep it more family friendly. Xtube lets it all hang out...see for yourself. Here are a few my my actual favorites (NOT WORK-SAFE):

Enjoy!

It's Midnight, do you know where your man is?

2006-09-07T22:48:00.000-04:00

There is an epidemic. Married brothas having sex with brothas. If you're a long-time reader of this blog, you know that I don't get down like that. I met this brotha yesterday, who during our meeting went on to let me know he is married. He told me that he knows two guys that are married and who are seeing each other, and how he admires their relationship. Little did he know, I know both of those guys and am good friends with one of them.

I was able to understand my friends' situation because I can't figure out how, the ones' wife can't figure out his "preference." He's a cool brotha, but the fact that he's married and has an outside situation don't sit well with me at times, but it's not suppose to sit with me any type of way. It's not m business until his wife comes knockin' on my door thinking I'm doing her husband - won't happen! The other one is no longer married - he's the good friend of mine. He's just a cool individual and we are friends because we make each other laugh and we have fun times together going out. He says while he was married, he didn't creep. He's my friend, and I do believe him.

If you, like me, are completely turned off by creeping men do your investigating. Please rest assured that if there are brothas out here lying about not having STDS, namely HIV, there are some out here who are married with 5 kids and a dog. The great thing about being jerked-around and BS'd by someone is that you know the signs and you can shut a no-good muthafucka down!

Message to (some) ladies: wake up, look for signs, and don't settle for less than what you deserve.

And more changes...

2006-09-07T10:18:00.000-04:00

I have to go to work...I'll be back later tonight...

My thought of today is about the lies we tell and the people we hurt...I met a brotha last night offline and he went on to tell me how is married - needless to say, our meeting was very short! More about this later.

Changes...

2006-09-07T01:03:00.000-04:00

Yeah, a lot of changes are taking place over here! In my next entry, I'll cover all the new changes!

Ok, sorry!

2006-09-02T16:52:00.001-04:00

For everyone that WAS here yesterday, I am most apologetic! I had to work yesterday and then I went into the city to hang out with some buds and did not get home until 2:30am this morning. I literally only spent a few hours home on September 1st and those hours were spent sleeping - again I'm sorry.

The announcement was simply that I was going to be back with new blog entries, stories, features, polls, pictures, and just a lot more. I had to take the summer to get some other stuff moving along, but it's time to get everything up yet again. I have Monday off (Thank God), and I'm going to take some time to really work on this blog and just make it better. I'm going to get my MSN entries over here on this blog eventually, and might even change the name from The X Spot to something new...email me what you think it should be: xphillyblackman at gmail.com

So that was the announcement - and you thought it was going to be a car giveaway! lol

It's coming...

2006-08-28T19:27:00.000-04:00

SEPTEMBER FIRST IS ONLY 4 DAYS AWAY! WHERE WILL YOU BE WHEN I MAKE MY ANNOUNCEMENT?...

ATTENTION!

2006-08-20T02:10:00.000-04:00

Special Announcement to be made on FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1ST before 10am! I'll see you then!

Alicia Keys Made Beau Wait a Year for Sex...

2006-08-15T14:42:00.000-04:00

The singer says she's "too beautiful" to give herself to someone she is unsure of.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Alicia Keys made boyfriend Kerry 'Krucial' Brothers wait a year for sex, because she is "too beautiful" to give herself to someone she is unsure of.

The longtime songwriting duo have kept their romance closely under-wraps, but Keys reveals the grueling test she forced the producer to undergo.

She says, "I made him wait a year because my body is too beautiful to be violated by someone who doesn't deserve it."

But, hey, isn't this the way it's supposed to be?

It Has Been For Me!

2006-08-12T17:09:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a week it's been. So many changes in my life have taken place. With each and every change, I have really counted my blessings. It's a great feeling to know that hard work is finally paying off and that there are things working in my favor. Happiness and Paradise are in your heart if you want them to be. Recently, I made a conscious decision to be happy. I felt like I had been down for so long while waiting for God to make changes in my life, but I realized that God was waiting on me!!! I decided that I was just going to take on a more positive spirit and outlook and I have been so blessed in these last three-four weeks or so.

Tough times don't last for ever, but tough people do. And with this year of hardships, I have proven my toughness. All I ever wanted to do was to live. Some of you will understand that, and some won't. Living to me is more than breathing. Living is breathing, laughing, learning, crying, adventures, new experiences and etc. That's living! It got the point when I felt like my life was at such a stand-still and wasn't going to change anytime soon. I always had my faith in myself and in my God, but it needed to be strengthened.

My life has taken on a new message and meaning, and one of the catalysts for this was a beautiful, gospel song:

What God has for me, it is for me
What God has for me, it is for me
I know without a doubt
That he will bring me out
What God has for me, it is for me

It is for me
It is for me
What God has for me, it is for me
I know without a doubt
That he will bring me out
What God has for me, it is for me

It's entitled "It Is For Me," and it's by the Miami Mass Choir. Simple lyrics, but could they be any more true? Enjoy this beautiful Saturday because I know I am!!!

Since we're closed...

2006-07-31T23:21:00.000-04:00

Since I've put my own blog on hold, I want to direct everyone to Mr. Keith Boykin's site. I could spend hours reading everything from the music reviews to the blog!

www.keithboykin.com

Also, check out Ms. Ross singin' the Blues...

I've been busy and tired. I'm sans motivation to blog anymore...we'll see...

Hello out there...

2006-07-23T16:25:00.000-04:00

Over the past month I've been pondering the whether or not I want to continue with The X Spot. Good comments, email, feedback are hard to come by recently, and I think folks have lost interest in what I have to say. I thought about just closing up shop until the Fall, but I don't even know about that. We'll see...

I will say this...life is going well. I've made some cool new friends, and have really been having a good time lately. Things did not work out with "Mmmm," simply because we're not looking for the same things right now, and we have different views and ideas on a lot of things. God bless his heart because he definitely was not the One.

I have some new job prospects lined up, so I can start earning some real $$$ and pay for my education.

I do miss sharing parts of my life with folks out there, but if no one is interested what's the point? I can write in a journal and call it a day. We'll see how this all will pan out.

Take care and be blessed!

- X

We're Closed.

2006-06-27T20:52:00.000-04:00

The X Spot is on hiatus until further notice.

Saturday Afternoon in bed....

2006-06-24T13:00:00.000-04:00

Last night I had another date with "Mmmm," and it was nice. We ate outside at an Italian resturant, and then went down to Center City for dessert. I think he's such a great guy, but I am starting to see flaws. The flaws make him more realistic, because nothing is so good that it's perfect. Today marks our two week anniversary. It's been nice thus far.

I have to head out to work in an hour or so, but I just wanted to take time out to relfect and enjoy a lil piece of this Saturday afternoon. It's nice to chill sometimes...but it doesn't always last for long :)

Later!

The X Spot Links Vol. I

2006-06-23T18:30:00.000-04:00

This site is for everything you need!...ok, for everything you want...
Check out Mrs. Richardson's Butterscotch Caramel and the "Jimi Wallet."

What can I say about Youtube.com besides the fact that it's the greatest internet idea ever, well, of course next to Windows. For some of my favorite gems, copy and paste these into the search bar:

Aretha Franklin- Love All The Hurt Away
"Tomorrow" Whitney Houston
Beyonce Fall - Crazy In Love
Noah's Arc-DVD Box Set Commercial!
Rapper Joey Jihad Knocked out cold and then robbed
maxwell - cocoure

Instead of buying those $6 bootleg porn DVD's, you should be saving that money for a down payment on your first home! Wait, that's me! Uh, anwyay, when you are ready to start your savings plan, let ING be a part of it.

Michelle is truly the bomb when it comes to the dollars and the cents! Stick to her advice, and you'll be financially free in no time. Keep in mind, that she don't take no mess. Big Momma would be so proud!

So you wanna learn how to give a great massage? Hmmm, if you become really good, then you gotta holla at me!

I love the idea of living a better life; to be more compassionate, respectful and friendly. Great resource to help you become a better you. Hey, it's a start, right?

This is the site to get your faith and religion on - whatever it might be. This site is not just for Christians (like me), Jews, or Muslims, but a site for followers for over 20 faiths. We're not all going to have the same belief, but my opinion is that if we believe in something we're much better people.

I was in Harlem a few months back, and I came across these cards. Some of them could have actually been written by my own hand. The most entertaining piece of reality since Oprah gave Phil McGraw a television show!

Some people like to play games with people, but I like to play games at shockwave.com. They have the coolest site and the best games to help you pass time while you're waiting to leave that lame-excuse of a temp job! Inklink is my absolute favorite!

Tired of wack-ass Yahoo! Messenger, check out AIM Triton 1.5 from AOL. It's a lot easier to use, and it does give Yahoo a run for the money in the looks department as well.

Here are some links I thought I'd share with you.

Happy Birthday X Spot!

2006-06-22T16:22:00.000-04:00

June 19th made 1 year of my blogging! It's soooooo cool to me to be able to look back one year and see what was on my mind at that time. Time really does fly when you are living life. About 60% of my life has found it way to being published in the form of blog entries. As of late, the same problem keep popping up: time. Not having enough time. I have still yet to set a routine for blogging, hell, still trying to find one for life period!

There are still magazines from 3 years ago that I want to read.
Emails from last summer I want to read.
CD's still in plastic I want to listen to.
And books, let's not go there.

I procastinate too much, and I'm busy too. So when I'm not working hard, I'm usually around scratching my balls while daydreaming. Well, let me be proactive and get some stuff done while I don't have to worry about working today. I have special treats lined up, and going to reach out to some folks who have fallen off reading! Later!

Comments!

2006-06-19T05:40:00.000-04:00

I'm really feeling some type of way that no one comments on my blog anymore. Why is that when my entries are sad, folks got something to say. When I'm much happier, I hear crickets. Folks always contact me and tell me that they appreciate my honesty and outlook on things, but never take time to make it official. Leave some damn comments!

Everything has led me to this!

2006-06-16T01:49:00.000-04:00

Well you know I'm kinda, sorta seeing someone (Mmmm) and we had our official first date tonight! We had a Thai dinner, Haagen-Dazs dessert, and a drink at Key West. I think he is the most awesome guy and I have never really felt this way about another male ever. I've been in love before, but that love was missing some key elements; one of them being reciprocation. I'm digging on him hard, and I had to go to the club and show everybody what I got! Nan-nee- nan-nee-boo-boo, look what I got! He is so physically attractive and his spirit is as beautiful as the outside. God bless his parents for bringing up such a warm, caring, individual that I've been blessed to meet and know.

For all of you all that's been reading me for awhile, you know that a brothas has been put through the ringer. I'm very happy right now. I'm very happy that my old friend was in the club tonight and saw that I had moved on with a very attractive man! In the words of Jill Scott: "You broke me, but I'm healing." And guess what, "Mmmm" told me that my old friend is an alcoholic! When he said that, I started to think back to the rough patches we had and I remember him being drunk in every one of them! Everything happens for a reason. Everything I've ever been through as led me to this little piece of happiness.

Gears are moving in other areas of my life as well. Still looking for another job. And gearing up to be back in school, hopefully in the fall. Doesn't God have a way of filtering out the fat of our lives and replacing it with some lean muscle? Speaking of lean muscle, I'm heading back to the gym later today! Been out for a couple of weeks, and my poor lil belly is so confused. Everytime I say goodbye, I open the door to let him back in. I got work to do.
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Have a happy Friday, and continue to pray for Whitney!

10 days later...

2006-06-13T18:56:00.000-04:00

What a difference 10 days makes? Well, I went to a big party on Saturday and had a good time. My weekend is a blur because I did so much! At this party, I was hooked up by a good buddy on Yahoo Messenger. I was hooked up with a very attractive, intelligent, and easy-going man that we'll call "Mmmm." Lol!

Let me set this up a lil bit. Last week when I was chatting with my Yahoo bud, I told him I wanted to meet someone new, and I was tired of trying and doing the same ol' stuff that has always led me to losers. I asked him about if he had any friend that I'd be able to connect with, and then told him what I look for in a brotha physically. I like 'em tall, and he doesn't have that many close friend who are tall. Back to the drawing board. We came to two. He wanted to make sure that these two would be compatible with my zodiac sign, and I'm like leave that phooey out of this! He teased me with hints and clues about one and I googled him and I was like, "ok, he seems really cool, but who's the other guy." The other guy....Mmmmm.

So he arranged for me to meet "Mmmm" at the party on Saturday (yeah, it was a party of 300+ gay brothas), and oddly enough my old friend "FC" was there (you will remember him as a former co-worker of when I worked in retail late last year who wanted me to boink him). My Yahoo buddy said that "Mmmm" looks like the older version of "FC" and I'm like, "oh, hell to the naw." But then I met him, and yes, they favor a bit in the face and body type, but "Mmmm" is definitely someone new in every way you could possibly think of!

It's nice to be in like and to have someone take interest in me. He offered to talk me out for icecream last night, and I was about to say no, but then I realized what am I afraid of? About damn time someone wants to buy me icecream instead of inviting me over to lick my icecream!

I had a dream about the brotha I met at Key West. I dreamed about seeing him out with the friend he was with the night I met him. If my dream needed a theme song, it would have been "Walk on By." Isaac Hayes' version, not Dionne's. I was falling in-love with him and he pulled the rug from under me. It funny how sometimes we can't see the forrest for the damn trees. I hate the fact that apart of me still misses him. His kisses, his touch, his dry humor, his funny sayings...oh well, it's time for something new...someone new...

So "Mmmm, Mmmm, good!"

Also can't wait to be back in college again. That's going to be great!

Later!

Saving All My Love For Who? Nope, try again!

2006-06-03T02:38:00.000-04:00

Feeling a little down right now. Just got in from the club/bar, and I saw that brotha that was talking to for a quick minute. After talking to a new friend of mine, he told me that the only brotha only viewed me as "a piece of ass." I know it's the truth, but it's like damn, for all my interests and intellect, someone can only see me for sex? That's all I was seen as because I wasn't putting out, so I had to get out. I was really digging him, as I made clear on here. Why is that gay men can only see another attractive gay male in that way?

An ex-friend of mine accused me of being obsessed with sex. Instead of being totally pissed off at him, I should have just laughed! With all the situations I've been in, including seeing someone who was HIV+ (unbeknownst to me), how could I be obsessed with sex? I've been emotionally hurt, devasted, and broken by some sex I've had. Deciding to lay down with someone, when you know you really don't want to. Deciding to let them touch you, and pretending to affectionately touch them. If anything, I've been really picky after comprimising my self-worth to get it in with folks I just wasn't feeling. Everyone I've spoken to about that ol' head knows I was digging on him hard! And if I choose not to give him that piece of me, then I must be serious. I get horny like the next person, but it's great and beautiful to give in to urges with someone who cares about you, and you them.

I'm getting tired of the club! I'm getting tired of going and seeing his face staring at me with a look of lust/contempt. It seems that all folks can see me for is sex, and I had to question whether or not I was only giving that vibe. I'm so totally not. I have a profile on Adam, and there's no pictures of my ding-ding or my boom-boom, and there won't ever be any. I must be naive because I somehow think that there's other brothas out there of quality and substance looking like I'm looking, in places like Adam, the club, or partylines. Well, it just ain't. It's all about fast sex. Example: The cat getting a serious blow job in the bathroom tonight at the club. Can you say red flag?

Well, I am looking for a relationship. There, I said it! I was afraid of that word, just like most straight brothas are afraid of another word: marriage. I was afraid of being tied down, and giving up something. I've been out here, and there ain't much to give up, lol! If I could find someone to love me, that would be a beautiful thing. I'm into older cats, but it seems like they're sowing their lil' wild oats like young cats.

It's harder to find an employed, attractive, in shape, God-fearing Black men then it is to find the remains of Jimmy Hoffa!

Whitney Houston's Saving All My Love For You is a classic! Beautiful song, and it was a song close to her heart. She at the time was deeply digging Jermaine Jackson, who was deeply married at them time. It's rumored that they had an affair and from that, Whitney was able to deliver so much emotion - she was living what the song was about. She was the other woman. The reason I brought this up was because we do we settle for less than what we deserve? Less than what anyone deserves.

I found out that my new friend is married! Yes, married! He's seperated, but nonetheless, married! Me and him are still getting to know each other, but how far could that go if he's married??? I would never be able to be intimate with him or take him too seriously. I can't and won't settle. I dealt with a married man a couple years back. He didn't tell me early on, and when he did he told me he had been seperated for 5+ years, and they were headed for divorce soon. You know how Black folks do?! We fell out of contact (he wanted to get serious and I was only 18-19), and when we spoke again, why did this Negro tell me he and his wife were back together working things out for the kids??? What??? Are you serious? But, you said...! Why was the Negro still trying to holla at me??? I had to put my own feelings/desires aside and convince him that he shouldn't jepardize his marriage if it's truly working - atleast not for no 15 minutes of sex! We said our goodbyes and parted ways. By the way, his wife knows about his sexuality in case you were wondering.

Why do we settle for less than what we deserve??? I'm not going to be saving my love for no damn body. If he's here, he's here. If something or someone is not for you, trust that there will be some signs! I feel better now that I was able to clear my mind and get my thoughts out there. Thanks for the "nigger/nigga" comments in email. I will post some on here! I still have not forgotten about links, and updates. I've just been busy and tired as hell. Trust me that the new links will be great!!! You'll see.

Have a great Saturday!

So Damn Happy!

2006-05-31T05:38:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry I didn't provide the new links and new favorite sites. Been a little busy with job hunting, paying bills, and attempting to have somewhat of a social life off the net. I was talking to a guy from the partyline two years ago, and we've started chatting again. We've never met in person, but we've had the deepest conversations. Unlike everyone else who's been showing me interest lately, his interest is more than just sexual, or it seems. He asks questions about me, offers his advice, and laughs at my jokes. It's nice.

I'm just looking for someone that I can spend my time with and get to know, and maybe he could be the one? It would be nice.

Also, I've been gearing up for possible new job - I can't really say what it is, but trust me when I say it could be my biggest blessing ever! Yup, that big! So say a little prayer for me to whatever higher power you worship and believe in. In my case, that's Jesus. Great thing about America is, we are free to be - most of the time, lol.

I'm listening to Aretha's So Damn Happy CD, and it's not bad at all. I'm sitting here on the edge of my bed about to get ready for work. I'm really moving to a better place in life, so for that, I am so damn happy :)

Lastly, continue to pray for Whitney Houston.

Until later, peace!